Friday, August 10, 2012

The Silent Killer

I have been struggling lately about alot of things.  And since this is the place that I have chosen to talk about them, I guess I shouldn't deny you or me of the benefits I get from talking about my issues here.  Only a few people that read this know who I am, and fewer yet have actually had sex with me..... That is why I guess I have decided to talk about it.

After my wife found out I was gay, and having sex with men, she went and had a full battery of tests... she of course has her Pap Smear test as well.  It came back abnormal, and we had to go through the whole discussion of, "I have HPV."  For a man, this can sometimes mean nothing, your body can fight off some HPV, but there are many more that are of concern.   Read this article if you are worried. 

But for a woman, it can cause cervical cancer, and if not caught can become fatal.  The rates are huge.

I say this, because I feel the gay community, and the down-low gay community are very naive about HPV.  We all worry about HIV which we should, but this can be deadly, for the women we love.  The worst thing about HPV, is that you don't technically have to have sex.  Get naked with someone and rub cocks together..... that it.

So my wife has been going through biopsies and tests over the last month, so far everything shows no signs of cancer, but there is a high probability that she is going to have a historectomy. She(we) do have the kind of HPV that causes cancer, not the kind that "just" causes warts. Of course this comes on the heals of her dad's diagnosis, and treatments.

Shit I have had so many emotions.  Guilt, Shame, anger, sympathy, Shame.  Why did I have to do this to my wife.... the one person that has loved me.

I can see this tearing us apart more. An already rocky relationship because of trust has become sharp pointy rocks because in many respects, I may have given her the death sentence.   Not knowingly.  I didn't know I had HPV, until she told me......   This also has me looking at finding a doctor to do a Pap on me.... There is suggestion that men who have anal sex have a pretty high rate of anal cancer....  I probably won't, but I will watch for signs....

That is the problem with this silent killer.  You don't know you have it till it is too late.  I have suspended my sexual activity..... My hand is now my partner....  I feel bad because I have no clue how many others I may have given this too....

LAST WORD..... Have Your Daughters and SONS, protected with the vaccine.  It prevents the bad ones, but the statistics are pretty high.... If you don't have it, can Older men and women have the vaccine as well?  I don't know why not?


  1. Thanks for sharing your news, I'm sure that wasn't easy to do.

    This is HUGELY important issue, one that very few sexually active men write about. I hope you get millions of hits, just so more people will be aware of how easy HPV is to get, and how dangerous it can be.

    Late last year, before I started going on coffee dates with men, I had a regular physical with my doctor. He's in his late 30s so I assumed he would be aware of HPV. He didn't know as much as I had hoped; he didn't even know that his HMO strongly encourages both boys and girls to get the vaccine. I asked him if I could get the vaccine and that question puzzled him. His answer: "I don't think so." When I pressed him for more information he said, "I don't think it's possible for anyone over the age 18 to get it."

    Because I wasn't sexually active at the time I didn't do any more research to see what the facts are. I'm now in a monogamous relationship with a guy who has a clean bill of health, so I'm not especially worried, BUT when we get the chance, both of us are going together to get the Hepatitis vaccine. I'll ask about getting the HPV vaccine then too.

  2. This is sort of a grey area in medicine. It's generally believed that you should get the HPV vaccine BEFORE you exposed to the virus.

    Should the vaccines be given to people who are already infected with HPV?

    Although Gardasil and Cervarix have been found to be generally safe when given to people who are already infected with HPV, the vaccines do not treat infection and they provide maximum benefit if a person receives them before he or she is sexually active (17).

    It is possible that someone infected with HPV will still get residual benefit from vaccination, even if he or she has already been infected with one or more of the types included in the vaccines. However, this possibility is still under investigation.

    At present, there is no generally available test to show whether an individual has been exposed to HPV. The currently approved HPV DNA test shows only whether a person has a current HPV infection, and it identifies the HPV type. But it does not provide information on past infections.

  3. so sorry to hear what you and your wife are going through. guys on the DL really need to pay attention to this, even though they are careful. when I was married I did bring a case of crabs home to my wife, and that was the worst of it. but there is so much risk out there. good luck as you two sort out what to do.

  4. this is great, more people should talk about this...
    the important point for your readers, if you are younger than 26 then you should get the vaccine. In men, can cause anal cancer and throat cancer...So get the vaccine especially if you like to give BJs!

  5. I've read that a very high percentage of guys have been exposed to HPV even by age 25.

    You didn't mention anything about oral sex --- that's a huge HPV problem. Oral cancer caused by HPV.

    How often do you see guys using protection for oral sex?