Friday, August 10, 2012

The Silent Killer

I have been struggling lately about alot of things.  And since this is the place that I have chosen to talk about them, I guess I shouldn't deny you or me of the benefits I get from talking about my issues here.  Only a few people that read this know who I am, and fewer yet have actually had sex with me..... That is why I guess I have decided to talk about it.

After my wife found out I was gay, and having sex with men, she went and had a full battery of tests... she of course has her Pap Smear test as well.  It came back abnormal, and we had to go through the whole discussion of, "I have HPV."  For a man, this can sometimes mean nothing, your body can fight off some HPV, but there are many more that are of concern.   Read this article if you are worried. 

But for a woman, it can cause cervical cancer, and if not caught can become fatal.  The rates are huge.

I say this, because I feel the gay community, and the down-low gay community are very naive about HPV.  We all worry about HIV which we should, but this can be deadly, for the women we love.  The worst thing about HPV, is that you don't technically have to have sex.  Get naked with someone and rub cocks together..... that it.

So my wife has been going through biopsies and tests over the last month, so far everything shows no signs of cancer, but there is a high probability that she is going to have a historectomy. She(we) do have the kind of HPV that causes cancer, not the kind that "just" causes warts. Of course this comes on the heals of her dad's diagnosis, and treatments.

Shit I have had so many emotions.  Guilt, Shame, anger, sympathy, Shame.  Why did I have to do this to my wife.... the one person that has loved me.

I can see this tearing us apart more. An already rocky relationship because of trust has become sharp pointy rocks because in many respects, I may have given her the death sentence.   Not knowingly.  I didn't know I had HPV, until she told me......   This also has me looking at finding a doctor to do a Pap on me.... There is suggestion that men who have anal sex have a pretty high rate of anal cancer....  I probably won't, but I will watch for signs....

That is the problem with this silent killer.  You don't know you have it till it is too late.  I have suspended my sexual activity..... My hand is now my partner....  I feel bad because I have no clue how many others I may have given this too....

LAST WORD..... Have Your Daughters and SONS, protected with the vaccine.  It prevents the bad ones, but the statistics are pretty high.... If you don't have it, can Older men and women have the vaccine as well?  I don't know why not?