High School Dates

When I was in high school I didn't ever date.  It wasn't uncommon with a lot of my  friends, so many did not find it odd.  I did have my crushes.  I grew up in a small town, and many of those crushes were with girls I knew for a long time.  I don't remember having any crushes on any guys.  I don't think I thought it was possible, so I didn't. 

My first crush was a girl in fifth grade.  I was in the same class as she was.  We actually bought each other friendship rings, and went to the movie together once, if I recall.  I got here and a friend in trouble my sixth grade year, because they "kissed" behind the curtain.  I was probably jealous.  The next girl I tried to "date" was another girl in my class.  he was in my class as well, and I asked her out to the homecoming dance.  Well we  were going to go, and during the football game, after we were done playing in the marching band, I remember that she somehow got word to me that she was not going with me. 

The next "date" I had was my senior year.  I was so upset about never having a date, that I was crying on the bus ride back from some vocal event.  I was upset because I never had a date, and didn't have one to prom.  Wasn't that just the most pathetic thing you have ever heard.  A senior boy in high school crying because he didn't have a date.  Well one of the nice girls, a sophomore, told me she would go with me.  She was a "prom server", so she could go to the dance afterwards, but wouldn't eat dinner with us.  I always have called it my mercy date.  It wasn't very memorable, but I do remember Everclear being drank during the meal at the high school.  It was an uneventful date, but glad we did it in the end.

All of these girls I would still consider friends today. So there were never any hard feeling. 

I never had any serious relationships in high school.  I don't remember longing for it.  I do remember being very emotional in high school.  A lot of times it was with my good friends, ones that I would get drunk with.  I would get drunk and cry about shit.  I don't even know what about now. But, from the time I was 16  we all drank quite a bit. 

Looking back, I don't think I was any different then a lot of other guys in my high school.  We drank, had fun, and didn't really worry about dating much.  I knew that I was attracted to the thought of men, but I don't really thing it sunk in that when I grew up it would be an issue, or that I would have to come out of the closet someday.  I was busy living my teenage years.

I guess it is all related to the fact that I am trying to figure out my "gayness" in my head.  Reliving all the events surrounding my sexuality.