Contact with an old friend

I called an old friend the other day.  Over my "wild gay times" he was one of my best buddies, and friends.  I say both because we started out as buddies.  We had many naked fun times together.  One of the best three ways I have ever had he was involved in.  But later on in our "wild gay times"  he became more of a friend, than a buddy.  He wasn't really interested in hooking up anymore.  We would talk on the phone every day.

The calls would usually be about general life stuff.  Work, kids, marriage.  But we would also talk about who we got naked with, what flakes we talked to etc.... It was a great brother/friend relationship.  After I told my wife I was gay, I had to stop calling him.  It was making it hard to continue my straight married life and talk with him.  I just had to cut it off.

Now we talk about twice a year or so.  I called him last week.  It was so good to hear his voice.  Like a brother that was gone for a long time.  I am kind of sad I waited so long.  He has been going through some hard things.  They may all end up being good things, but they are hard for him.   He changed jobs, and also separated from his wife, and getting a divorce.  He has been married as long as I have, but doesn't have any children.  I think he is still deep in the closet as well.


I feel for him... I wish I would have been there.  I know he has other friends. He has a life, but I feel bad I wasn't there for him.  I may go to lunch with him next week.  I will be in his town doing some work, and if we can both get away at the same time I will.

If my wife knew she would SHIT.  She thinks that me having contact with my gay buddies or friends is just like an alcoholic hanging out with their drinking buddies.  I don't think she gets what gay is.  But that is for another time.

Blood!!!!

I had my blood drawn yesterday for a early detection test for HIV. The whole process has went really smoothly.  I called the company. They sent instructions to pay at 7-11, and Lab instruction.  Went to the lab, and they didn't ask any questions.  They looked at the paper work, and then did the test. (I probably could have used a different name and date of birth, but that makes me more nervous.)  They don't have address or phone number.  I also used a incorrect Zip Code.  Then later went to 7-11.  The clerk didn't quite know how to take the payment, but the instructions for him on the paper were really simple.  I gave him the money and he gave me a receipt.  Now....... I am waiting the results.

I am hopping they come quickly, because I want to have relations with my wife.  I Pray they come before next Tuesday, as it is Valentines day.    

I have been very stand offish with my wife, and we have not be intimate for about three weeks.  This is the longest we have gone for a a while, and I'm sure she is getting anxious about it. I try to cuddle without getting handzy.  I know that she is very unlikely to make the move.  I am actually not in the mood either.  I haven't even made love to myself :) but once a week.  It does help that I am really busy with my two gigs.

So for now.... Waiting... could be tomorrow, or up to 5 days.  I hope they didn't mean business days.

Why

It is Sunday morning.  It is quiet.  The wife's alarm woke me up early this morning so I couldn't get back to sleep.  I started thinking about my blog.  Maybe this is for me, but if someone reads it great! 

Why.  Why am I married, gay and in the Midwest. Well it is easy to know why I'm in the Midwest. My parents bred and raised me here, and I love it here.  But I think that is the biggest reason I am gay and married.....   I'm in the Midwest. I got married in the early 90's I was 29. I had strong feeling for men, but the only place you would find a man where I lived would be at the road stop.  I couldn't do that. Prior to meeting my wife, I would call chat lines, and spend way too much money. Remember this was before chat rooms on the Internet, before Craigslist, before those other ways to meet men anonymously.  Of course I grew up in a christian conservative family.  In a small town where the only out gay guys were "weird".  Gay was queer and homo and "limp wristed".  That was it. I was not and could not be that.

But when I was introduced to my wife, she was the one person that made me feel normal.

Normal.  I had feelings for something "normal."  I fell in love with her.  I fell in love with the people saying "I never thought you would get married."  I loved being and feeling normal.  I was CURED.  I thought of her and her only. I love her.  I did.... and still do.  She is my normal. Did I know I was Gay?  I had not admitted it to my self.  I thought I was just one of those weird guys.  Like the guy in my small home town that everyone called a queer. Now I was normal. All those feelings I had just got suppressed I guess. I didn't think of them anymore.  I was in love. The first time and the only time.

It was great. It WAS great.  Still isn't too bad, but it is very complicated.  That is what this blog is about the complicated gay and married in the Midwest.

Till next time.