I'm Addicted

I'm addicted to Blogs.   I have got to get some work done this morning.  All I have done is checked my Tumblr feed and Blogger read list.  I have read some great stories, and saw some great looking men.


I then logged off, and all I have the urge to do is go and check it again.

There is not going to be anything new.........   Why am I looking again?

Go on...

Control....

There is nothing to see here....

The snow is piling up outside............. Am I a sex addict?

I know...  Two titles in one, but My mind goes from normal to things most would not consider normal in a heartbeat.

First comment.  I'm in the Midwest, and today we have gotten over 8 inches of snow. (Yes I said 8 inches.  And not the internet gay profile 8 inches. The real 8 inches.)  I hope we can keep up with it, as it continues to come down.  Life on the farm is not easy when you have to push snow out of the way.

Next I wonder... Am I a Pornoholic and sex addict.

Here is the thing.  I don't think I really could go very long with out porn.  I get bored, or stressed, and I turn to porn.  I'm alone, I turn to porn.  That in turn moves to thinking about hooking up and looking on adam4adam. Which usually has me looking for the next hookup in the next town I'm going to.

I will tell you that I have not hooked up much in the last three years.  Maybe once every 6 months or so.  But now I am craving it more, and I know that porn fuels it.  Why don't I just have sex with my wife.   I could, but I enjoy the porn JO almost as much.  I have done it for 35 years, and love it.  

I did sign up for Tony Lister's Porn Addiction process, but I'm not ready to watch one hour a week, and I'm not ready to commit to the "I have a problem".  I don't know when that will be, but I'm not ready for it.

PS... I should be working, but I'm not watching porn.  But I must confess that I did look at my adam4adam account to check on my e-mails for my trip next week.   ughhhhh....  

Thanks for listening to the ramble.

Porn

Lately, I've been thinking about how big of a part porn has always been a part of my life.  Most people who read this blog, probably can say the same thing.  But how much has porn shaped my sexuality, or yet my desires, and fantasies?

Yesterday, I had watched a Non Rated Show on HBO, that had a lot of heterosexual sex in it.  Of course only showed, the woman's breasts, no va-j j, or cock.  but showed couple after couple having no strings attached quick sex, with a "plot" around it.  It turned me on completely, and I took care of myself while my wife slept next to me.  WOW.  I thought.  I had watched gay porn that afternoon, had intimate relations with my wife, and still, this got me going.

I think I just have a tendency to LOVE PORN.  Am I addicted? Is it a problem?

I might have to explore this more.

Masturbation

Can it be an addiction?  I'll tell you throughout my life, I really have been controlled by the pleasure that masturbation brings to me.  I felt it again yesterday.  It was 4:00.  I should go outside, do something, but I really wanted to watch some porn, and talk to a hot guy on a chat line and pump......

I restrained, as I was keeping busy, and I went upstairs to the kitchen.  I continued to restrain, but kinda stood there with a pit in my stomach.  I felt the urge. Am I horny?  That is normally what I call it.  But today I was calling it addicted. I ate something.  Maybe that would help relieve the hankering the pit in my stomach?  It made me forget about it for a minute.  I decided to make a call and then go outside with the family.  They were out working horses. 

Still a pit, I was walking around like a zombie.... That is how I felt, Like a zombie....

I did a honey do.... watch the fam.... went to eat at McDonalds.... came home and watched some TV after finishing some homework.

It kinda went away.

Then there is this morning.  I woke up.... Hard... wanted it... Wife left... Daughter left..... Home alone.... should I?  I did some laundry... Should I?   Wife will be home soon... Should I?   Damn.....  NO...  I want to have some intimacy with my wife.... Should I?   NO.....

I came and wrote this blog post.  But I'm on the computer with the porn, right there... a great blogger probably posted some hot pictures?   Should I?  

NO
NO
NO
NO

Keep the hand away from the Penis (I know I capitalized it automatically?  What?  Is it a personal noun?)

NO
NO

I won for now. (Notice no pictures of masterbation on this post?)  I know not as visually appealing, but that is the point.