Scared in the closet

Recently I was volunteering for an organization in my town.  We have an event that we dress up and "scare" people.  Have a haunted "house."  The event requires the people participating to stay sitting as we walk around and interact with the people in costume for about an hour.  They are usually not in costume.

Well the other night there were about 4 gay couples on this "ride".  They had all came together and were dressed pretty nice.  (Several in white. I didn't get that.  It was a haunted ride and they were in white?)  They were displaying affection, in a very nice way.  I think that was fine, didn't bother anyone around me that I could see, or hear.  After all there were many hetro people on the ride that did the same thing.  I thought that was great and refreshing even. 

I think what became unnerving for some was that their conversations had to be about sex, and cocks. I was standing staring them down, because that is what my character did.... and they were hot. One of the  guy's who I would say was very fem, and was probably the mouthiest, said something about the last cock he had and that it was big and not cut. His partner put his legs up in the air, exposing his ass, implying that I should give it to him. I think it got worse later on in the evening, but I had moved on. I know they had been drinking and were a little loose with the lips, but most of it was uncalled for. There were children on the ride as well, not sitting too close, but they were on the ride.

I actually didn't mind it, (You know I wanted to join in, but we were in a public place, and I knew all of the people volunteering.) but the fact that this is how most people perceive gay men is what keeps many of us scared Midwesterners in the closet.  If I am out, I don't want to be one of the obnoxious loud gay guys. I want to live my life as I did before, why does it have to be so obvious that I'm gay.  I want to sit on the ride, and if I don't hold the hand of the partner I'm with know one would really know.  It is not because I'm ashamed, it would be because I'm not all about public display of affection.  Especially when there are kids around.

So Yep I'm scared in the closet. 






Thanks to Ray's Cowboys for the pics.

The State of Homophobia

I was at a work association meeting last night, and damn, this state is homophobic.  I was sitting at a table with a bunch of guys, mostly younger, and in their early 30's.  They were all pretty nice looking, and leaders in their field.

The conversation turned to bars in the area I went to college.  It was in a small rural town, but there was lots of drinking always going on.  One of the guys more my age was talking about a game called "butt darts".  In this game, with your cloths on, you would stick a quarter between your butt cheeks, and then you would walk over a pitcher of beer and drop the quarter in the beer.  Of course some drinking was involved if you make it or not.  Of course that led to some crude jokes about ass and guys and referring to gay sex, but never saying it.  I am pretty silent through this as it was all pretty innocent.

Then they started talking about where they were going to go drink after the picnic.  They started insinuating about how one of the members of the association was gay.  Talking about "him"... etc... I don't have the direct quotes because it was more of a overt thing, but one could take it derogatorily.  Of course once again, I can say nothing, or do nothing.

I wonder if I would say something if I was out to most people.  If I was in this situation and only the people at the table didn't know I was gay, would I say something?  Would I out myself to them.  Damn.  I'm allowing bullying to go on. 

Damn me.
Hmmmmmmmmmm