Thursday, September 26, 2013

When I'm in a funk Sexuality is just a minor thing

Life has changed completely around my house.... as school came around, my daughter went off to college as a freshman.  She is doing well, and I'm glad we raised such a great young woman... I am proud of her.

My wife started to work at the school, so is gone all day...............  Yay.... more income....

My father in law passed away several weeks ago.  No one popping in the house as I work to chat, or bring the mail by.......  He was a wonderful man. Sad, Sad, Day.

So as you can tell, it has been a change.  I liked it for a day or two, but I am having a hard time getting motivated to do anything.  I have a ton of work to do, as I was out for a couple of weeks, and now have reports to write.

I kind of feel sluggish, and am worried that depression or too much loneliness will set in.  I don't think I'm to that point yet. Lets just say that all of these things has put me in a funk...........  I don't think that people would say that is me. But I have been forgetting things, walking around in a fog.  One quick story about this.

I was in an office talking with someone about and helping to plan my father in laws "gathering". (He didn't want a funeral, so I call it a gathering.)  It was a very emotional day for me. I could have cried if you looked at me the right way.  I got in my car and was driving down the street.  I looked at some mail quickly, and when I looked up I saw I was in the middle of a cross walk, and there were two or three students standing around me looking at me.   I slammed on my brakes, but could see I was safe to not hit anyone, so I went on through the intersection.  We live in a college town, and this was right by a dorm, and students were headed to and from classes.  I was completely shaken, and lucky nothing happened.  It was like I had zoned out completely.

Well it scared the shit out of me.  I went home, and just sat down.  I am doing much better, but still focusing on one thing at a time has been really hard... I don't even know why I got here to write this. I clicked on a spreadsheet to work on, it took to long so I clicked on my e-mail and decided to go to Blogger.  I didn't plan on it. It isn't on my list of things I need to get done today.

Now to bring it around to the title.  My sexuality doesn't mean much to me today, I am here just worrying about getting the next task done.  Making sure my wife is doing okay with the loss of her father.  She would say, the one person who has never done her wrong.  We are both just so sad and in a funk right now.  I do hug her a lot, listen to her and am trying to be there for her, but the fact that I'm gay has NOTHING to do with that.  She is the most important thing to me right now.  This is all that I have left around here that is normal.  It is now when I'm gay means nothing more than it is part of me just like I have a hairy chest, and nothing to be worried about.

I may write more later.

PS. no need to tell me to go get help.  My wife and I do have a therapist, we need to make another appointment, and we will talk through it together....

I love the support of my blogger brothers.

Take care.


  1. Maybe you need a little vacation? Sometimes that helps to restart ones life.

  2. Good for you for taking it into therapy and so sorry for your loss. In times like these sexuality really fades as a priority and caring for each other comes to the fore. I wish that I loved my father-in-law enough to grieve for him the way that you have. Pain is part of the price that we pay for having loved.

    Sending best wishes that you and your wife make it through the grief and depression soon. You have so much to live for.

  3. So sorry about your loss. You & your family are in our prayers.

  4. best of luck my friend. hang in there. This too shall time.