Monday, June 27, 2016

Hook up blah...

Image result for gay hook up adam4adam
Last Thursday I was on an over night work trip. There were about 7 guys within a 3 mile radius of my location. None were very interesting, so I just jacked off and had phone sex for about 2 hours. It was fun.
I have kind of went to the principle that if it isn’t quality, then don’t push it very hard.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Happy Father's Day

Well, I just posted how I wasn’t in the mood for much, and then a 25 year old messaged.  Me... He likes older.  2 miles from me. well.....  what do you do.  Go to his place.   He came to the door and he was a cute, slightly chubby guy, but nice beard and had a great smile.  We sat on the futon and we started reaching for each others cocks.   We jacked each other for a while and I could tell he didn't really want to kiss.  He then sucked my cock for a while.  He was pretty good at it.  Then I was jacking him pretty good, and he said, "Slow donw,  I'm close."  He had several drops of precum leaking out, and I tasted it. MMMM.. tasty....
He sucked on me again, and then I got on my knees and sucked and stroked him..   I put my face in his crotch, and loved his smell.  He said he was getting close to cumming, and I just kept sucking.  He asked, "Do you want it?"  I responded by continuing to suck his 5.5 inch cock, ans sucked down his cum.  He smiled, and I sat next to him.... He played with me a little bit, and I said, that he could play with it all he wants, buy I won't come for a while.  He said we need to get together when we have more time.  
I got in the car and went to the grocery store.   I was a little nervous about this one, because He did live in my home town, on a busy highway.  I just went for it, and hope no one I know drove by and will mention that they saw me there....
That was the best gift of the day!!!!!.

What is your Name?

On this Father's Day, I went to church, by myself.  I do this often, and don't mind doing it at all.  The family was out of town.  As you may know, over the last several weeks, I have been more introspective.  Not that it is a bad thing, I'm just not out looking for other company as much.

So here is your warning.  This post is pretty deep.

Today, our preacher (I go to a United Methodist Church.) gave a wonderful sermon and he even inserted part of Lin-Manuel Miranda's Tony speech into the prayer.  The sermon covered the scripture Luke 8: 26-39.  This Chapter is about Jesus going across the Lake to where the Gentiles were.  They were not the chosen people.  They were different, odd, queer.  The Pastor emphasized that Jesus was crossing the "boundaries".  Going places that the Hebrews would think are unclean. Talking to people that were not like Him.  When he stepped on the shore, He was met by a Gentile.  "For a long time this man had not worn clothes or lived in a house, but had lived in the tombs."  He was possessed, or "Occupied".  Stick with me.....

After some time, Jesus asked, "What is your name?"   He is showing that he cares about the person.  Respecting the person.

They (the demons) answered, “Legion,” he replied, because many demons had gone into him.  And they begged Jesus repeatedly not to order them to go into the Abyss.

Then they were forced to go into the pigs, which ran into the water and died.

The man then, clothed, sat at Jesus feet and listened, and learned.

So...............   Here is what I got from this story, and maybe it is what the pastor was trying to get across, but if not, we all hear what we need to sometimes.

First, Jesus was the first "Boundary" breaker.  He was a rule breaker.  He came from his Father (God) and was told to love and believe, and you will be forgiven.  It doesn't matter who you are.  Gay, Straight, Bi, Transgender, or a Gay man married to a woman, and live what to some might be a deplorable life.  Jesus was a lover.  He loved us for who we are.  He Broke those "Boundaries", he broke those rules of the Old Testament.

Second, "What is my Name?"  Who are you? He wants to know you.  Who you are. He cares.

Lastly, for me personal I need to get those demons out.  So what are your demons.  Many may think, they know where I'm headed.  To getting out the gay demons.   But that is not where I'm headed.  Get the demons out that tear me down.  My demons are my thoughts.  The thoughts that I am not adequate, that I can't live this way.

I find that sometimes those are my demons.  And they need to leave me, and get jump into the swine, run to the water and drown.

   Here is what I got from it.   "I will live as a gay man, married to a woman.  I will love my family, my wife, and not let others dictate how to live and what makes me happy."

That includes those have been in similar shoes as I.  Those that have decided that they will "come-out" to the world, and get a divorce.  It includes those who think I should "get over" being gay and make different choices.  It includes those who think I should stay sexually active only in my marriage.

I am breaking the boundaries, just like Jesus.

And so is this man.  Listen to his speech/Prose.

My wife's the reason anything gets done.
She nudges me towards promise by degrees.
She's the perfect symphony of one.
Our son is her most beautiful reprise.
We chase the melodies that seem to find us until they're finish songs and start to play.
When senseless acts of tragedy remind us that nothing here is promised. Not one day.
This show is proof that history remembers
we live through times when hate and fear seem stronger.

We rise and fall and light from dying embers.
Remembrances that hope and love last longer.
And love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside.
I say that as symphony. Eliza tells her story. Now fill the world with music, love, and pride.
Thank you so much for this.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Gay Bars - Orlando

After hear of the tragedy in Orlando, I remembered that I went to my first Gay Bar ever in Orlando.  It wasn't the Pulse.  I re-read my post from March 9, 2012.  Click on the date and read it... The Bar's name was Barcodes.  It was a good time, and I met one interesting man there.

My heart goes out to all of the victims families, and those who have to relive this tragedy.  I can only imagine.

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Stopped at a cruisie park

So I was driving back home from some meetings, and I thought I would stop by a park that has always been cruisie.  I have not stopped there for probably 5 years or more.  I checked on, and it seems to still have activity.
This park has a boat ramp, and there is one car parked all the way by the ramp, but the close parking lot is empty.  I pulled in and check my phone just for fun.  Looked at A4A and Squirt.  Continued to read a post on Tumblr and a guy in a cowboy hat pulls up in a white truck. 
He messes around in his car for a long time, and I look over at him and try to see if he will make eye contact.  He looks over several times, but nothing that would seem overly inviting.  He then gets out with a bag of trash and throws it away.  I look at him, and he looks at me. He goes wide, and then goes back in his pickup.  30 seconds later he drives away.  About a minute later, I drive away.  
I really didn’t have a lot of time to do anything, but I thought I would check it out.  it wasn’t too far out of my way, so really nothing lost.  I go back to the same town tomorrow, so maybe I’ll drive back out there.  Probably not, but it will be around noon.  We will see how I feel.
I did rub one out when I got homes.... so there is that.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

I'm so excited about today!

I started this blog November 11, 2010 with a post called "Where to start."   From there it was "Why" to "Early years-My first thoughts about men".

I have wrote a lot more about sex in the later years, but all seems good on this blog.

Six years on here... wow, I'm amazed I have kept it going this long.

Thanks to anyone he reads, and comments, and helps me through the challenges of who I am, and who I am not.

Your friend, who knows he is not alone, but
Gay Married in the Midwest.

Monday, June 6, 2016

Second weekend home alone

Nothing to write about sexually...   Had to even force myself to masturbate...  Just wasn't into it.

 Kinda bored with life right now.   That is dangerous.  
The idle hand (bored life.) is the devils play thing.  
Better get to work soon!

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Christian musician stole my story.

Well, let's say Trey Pearson stole my story.... except for the part where he actually sold albums.  

I struggled while reading this because he talks about the ONLY way to be whole is to come out.  I think that is too personal of a decision to say that there is only one way to be whole. Maybe it is, but I feel hurting too many others by coming out would hurt me more than where I am right now.  

My thoughts also differ in this story as I was not "taught" the bible says it is a sin.  I was "taught" by words and deeds.  "He is a queer."  "That's gross." "He is limp wristed."  I'm not sure it is not sinful, as is adultry, hate, using the Lords name in vain, coveting my neighbors property, and many others.  I'm just sure that being a Christian doesn't mean we are perfect.  Lord, and you all know that is not true.  

Pearson is not abandoning his faith, though he accepts that he may lose some fans because he came out. Still, he plans to release a new single later this year.
Pearson adds,
“There is absolutely no conflict with accepting who I am and following Jesus. God wants me to be healthy, authentic, whole, integrated and my truest self.”
“I definitely know how hard it was on my journey to be able to accept myself, and how other people’s voices and stories helped me. So I absolutely want to be a voice for other people. I know there are more and more Christians that realize how important this is, and I hope I can join with them in seeing this change.” 

Here is the story that I copied from .  I follow him, just so I can keep a pulse on the anti-christian movements thoughts.  I don't like a lot of what he writes, but I like to see what he is saying.  He also has a similar back story, he at one time was married to a woman, with children.  

Thanks for reading.... and I know it has nothing to do with my sex-life.  I'm sure the next one will.... maybe...  If I ever have it again...

Here are highlights from Religion News Service:
“I don’t mean to cry. It’s just been such a long time coming.”
Trey Pearson, 35, was overcome with emotion halfway into our first interview, and it is easy to understand why. For the past 15 years, he’s been the lead singer of the popular Christian rock band Everyday Sunday. But he decided to put his career on the line this week and acknowledge to his fans that he is gay.
“I finally decided to come out because I couldn’t keep trying to be something that I wasn’t,” he tells me.
(614) Magazine, an entertainment and culture magazine in Columbus, Ohio, will tell Pearson’s story in a 12-page cover story for its June issue. His narrative will ring familiar to many who grew up in a religious community. Pearson was raised in a conservative Christian home where he was taught that sexual orientation was a matter of choice. Though he knew from an early age that he was attracted to other males, he attempted to suppress his feelings and “be straight.”
“I never wanted to be gay,” he tells (614). “I was scared of what God would think and what all of these people I loved would think about me; so it was never an option for me.”
Nearly eight years ago, Pearson married a woman in hopes of achieving the kind of straight dream-life his community would support. Though he and his wife had two children, his hopes never materialized and Pearson realized he “was never going to be who my wife needed me to be.”
“I was not making it an option to be gay so I could be loyal to her and my children,” he told me. “But then I realized the only way I was ever going to be my best for them was to be healthy myself.”
Pearson’s shift places him in the center of a growing movement of popular Christian musicians who are coming out as gay and are advocating for a more open and accepting posture in the church. Ray Boltz, whose songs were staples in evangelical churches throughout the 1990s, came out as gay in 2004. Grammy-nominated Anthony Williams  became the first openly gay gospel artist in 2009. Jennifer Knapp, another Grammy-nominated Christian artist, acknowledged that she was a lesbian one year later. And in 2014, popular worship music artist Vicky Beeching told The Independent that she too was a lesbian.
These musicians paid a hefty price. Since Christian music fans tend to be conservative and believe that homosexual acts are sinful, you won’t hear these artists’ music played in most churches or on Christian radio these days.
I absolutely want to be a voice for other people,” Pearson says. “I know there are more and more Christians that realize how important this is, and I hope I can join with them in seeing this change.”

As for Pearson's letter to his fans and friends, here are excerpts:

 To my fans and friends:
Most of us reach at least one pivotal moment in our lives that better defines who we are.
These last several months have been the hardest – but have also ended up being the most freeing months — of my life.
To make an extremely long story short, I have come to be able to admit to myself, and to my family, that I am gay.
I grew up in a very conservative Christian home where I was taught that my sexual orientation was a matter of choice, and had put all my faith into that. I had never before admitted to myself that I was gay, let alone to anyone else. I never wanted to be gay.
I’ve tried my whole life to be straight. I married a girl, and I even have two beautiful little kids. My daughter, Liv, is six and my son, Beckham, is two.
I had always romanticized the idea of falling in love with a woman; and having a family had always been my dream. In many ways, that dream has come true. But I have also come to realize a lot of time has passed in my life pushing away, blocking out and not dealing with real feelings going on inside of me. I have tried not to be gay for more than 20 years of my life.
I tried to convince myself that this was what God wanted and that this would work. I thought all of those other feelings would stay away if I could just do this right.
When Lauren and I got married, I committed to loving her to the best of my ability, and I had the full intention of spending the rest of my life with her. Despite our best efforts, however, I have come to accept that there is nothing that is going to change who I am.
I know I have a long way to go. But if this honesty with myself about who I am, and who I was made by God to be, doesn’t constitute as the peace that passes all understanding, then I don’t know what does. It is like this weight I have been carrying my whole life has been lifted from me, and I have never felt such freedom.
In sharing this publicly I’m taking another step into health and wholeness by accepting myself, and every part of me. It’s not only an idea for me that I’m gay; It’s my life. This is me being authentic and real with myself and other people. This is a part of who I am.
I hope people will hear my heart, and that I will still be loved. I’m still the same guy, with the same heart, who wants to love God and love people with everything I have. This is a part of me I have come to be able to accept, and now it is a part of me that you know as well. I trust God to help love do the rest.