Friday, July 27, 2012

Turning Over a New Leaf

I spend too much time thinking about sex......

I am going to try to turn over a new leaf.  Today, I'm moving my office upstairs, from the basement.  really it is just moving my laptop upstairs and see if I can make the small space in our "office" work.

In the basement, I can set around in nude... Watch porn in between business calls, or even during them.  I can do what ever I want, and have time if anyone comes home to cover it up.  The real "office" is on the main floor and I have to be more accountable.... more careful.  I may have more distractions, but they are different distractions......

I hope this helps some.... for now.....   who knows.....

On another note....

I am so tired.  I had to get up early Wednesday and Thursday to do some training at a company... Of course I stayed up late, like I always do when I'm on the road.... I hope I can make it through the day, and get what I need to done.... Now off of the blog and on to work.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Cruising the M4W when you really want M4M

A nice guy that I came in contact with from my blog and I have had some great conversations on Google chat, and he told me about one of his tactics to find guys to have fun with.  I haven't tried it, but he cruises the M4W section of Craigslist and sends a nice message to them.

Very nice, like, "How's the luck with the ladies?  Male/30 could take care of you.  Good luck." 

He says he has a 20% success rate or so.   Hmmmmm, I might try.  I love meeting other married guys like he does. 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Post Nuptual Meeting with Attorney

Well my wife has been nudged to get an appointment with the lawyer next week.  Her dad's illness has got her off of dead center.

I wanted her to make this contact. She has the name of the lawyer she wants to use, and I thought it needed to be her deal.  Basically, all we need to do is have an agreement that anything that comes from her family is hers, and anything that comes from my family is mine if we get divorced.  That it will not be split 50-50.

I think this will precipitate her parents giving her the house we live in and the farm around it.  Just like my parents have already given me all the land that is mine.

It will be a good move, and I feel good about it.  I think it will remove the financial pressure if a divorce occurs.  There are still many things in the house that would need to be split, but that will be much easier.

There are also retirement accounts and other financial assets, but all of those were added since the marriage, so those are easy to split and valuate.

Last post about this.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Monday, July 23, 2012

One more encounter with the "Shit, Shit, Shit" guy

No I don't mean the real shit.  I had to interact with the guy from the post "Shit, Shit, Shit".  End's up he is a councilor at my daughters camp.  As we walked in to register, he was at the table with 4 other friendly faces.  I kind of backed up, and let my daughter take care of most of the checking in as I stood with my wife.  The kid got up quickly when he saw me.

He moved back to the tee shirts, that he was responsible for, so I couldn't tell if he got up because he was interested in be efficient with his job, or because he saw me, and recognized me.  I know he recognized me.  How could he not.....

He did give my daughter an awkward hug, and the strange interaction didn't take long.  So it was a weird day.  He is kind of a shy kid anyway, but I still have a worry that he will be forced by his conscious to say something to someone, who will not be so quiet.  Just a bad thing...........

Also the first time we took my daughter to this camp 4 years ago, is when I told my wife I was gay.  We(mostly my wife.) make sure we are super busy after we drop her off, to keep our minds off of that crazy day.....

We also talked about the pre-nup again, which is of course brought on by her father being ill.  I think it is a good thing, and will bring up some discussion.

I will also be out of town for two nights this week.  My wife will have some alone time to think.  I hope she slows down enough to do some thinking about life.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

FDA Approves Pill to Prevent HIV

FDA approves Truvada, first pill to prevent HIV infections

This is good news, but I have some reservations...

First...  will people take it so they can have more bareback sex?

I think they will.. There are other STD's... and they will not be prevented by this Truvada.... Will we see more bareback porn?

Second...  is it really going to work?

I don't know that I want to test it out. 

Third...  it is going to cost an arm and a leg

Insurance companies will be forced to pay for it so we can have unprotected sex.... The article says it will cost $13,500 a year.  Will only rich people and those who have good Health Insurance be able to afford it.  Will "Obamacare" see this as preventative?

Good questions... It we can get the all people in the world to take it for three generations, maybe we could eradicate it from the earth.  I guess that can be a hope.

Here is an article on it.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Confusing as Hell

I'll tell you. As soon as I have this figured out, something comes along, and changes my mind. I'm in a pretty happy spot right now, but I can tell my wife is stressed beyond belief. She will say things like "I'm about to break." and "I need to find a good place.". We both are gaining weight, and I'm sure part of it is she is not happy.

I keep saying I'm good with where I'm at. I am but I don't want to be the one that is keeping her in an unhappy place. Also my father in law was just diagnosed with a form of cancer. Chemo should take care of it, but he takes care of so much for us. I think this is putting so much more pressure on her. Her parents are her rock! Remember, they know about me.

I had a 15 or 20 minute talk with an acquaintance today. In the day we used to fuck around with a group of guys, He had been married for 30 years had four kids, and was a preacher. He is now retired and gave me some good advice.

The biggest take home is I sm not going to change. I knew that, but I think my wife needs to know it. I have come to realize that maybe we need a plan. An exit plan if you will.

I also talked about the coming out process with my friend. I told my wife I want to live like I am. And not as a gay man. But aft we taked, I think that may be fine for a while, but I think I will have to actually tell the people I am closest with that I am gay.

Not live a big fat gay life. Just a life, and by the way, I'm gay.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Awkward.... Shit, shit, shit

Well yesterday I went to the event that I was sure would be awkward. The young man I saw at the testing clinic and I were in the same place. Even worse, I was with my daughter and wife. I think he was too busy to look around and see me.

I tried hard to make sure I was looking the other way the whole time. So far so good. One more round, at least, this summer.

It was made worse by the fact that the boss who let me go over two years ago was there also. I had not seen or talked to him since. He did walk by and say hi. That is all I said Hi as well. If looks could have killed, my wife's would have. Actually it was funny, but I had a headache from the stress.

Forward with the day.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Faith and Justice

I love Jack Scott's Posts.  I just don't have time to read them all.   Here is one I love about Faith and Justice.

I think this goes to the thought that life isn't fair. Why do bad things happen to good people, and God will only give you what you can handle.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

One of my favorites.... Gone

One of my favorite video sources is gone.  It is not kiddy anything, but it always had hot guys on it.

Ohhhh well.  I'll have to move on to others.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Shit, shit, shit

I just went and got an HIV test. It is a place in the suburbs, that does it for free. I have been two or three times. And it is basically just for gay guys, or people who want an HIv test. I had a hell of an awakening, as I walked in, I noticed a young man sitting in the waiting area. I walked in, and then realized..... Shit... I know this kid. From my real life. He is about 4 years older than my daughter and has been to a camp with her. It has been several years ago, but I have seen him since here and there.
At the moment I realized it, I was committed to being there, and he had seen me. I said, hi, but that was it. We had to sit in the waiting area together for about 5 minutes.
I couldn't leave. I thought there might be a possibility he had no clue who I was, as you know how teenagers are. They never pay too much attention to anyone except themselves. But I'm sure he is a friend of my daughters in Facebook.

Shit, shit, shit...................

I hope it goes no further. I know I can't say anything.
I am neg..... I hope he is the same.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Facebook Timeline

My life....   I know that Facebook has made everyone go to Timeline.  And I wondered what my life would look like on there.  But then I realized you would have to combine my online life  and my online in the dark life to find out my actual timeline.

I now have a secret Facebook account.  I wonder if I should make a timeline for it... Show the day I realized I was gay.... the day I fell to the pressure of the straight world and got married.  When I started gay porn... when I started hooking up....  When I told my wife the secret....

What do you think???? Should I?