Monday, November 7, 2011

Post Nuptual Agreement

Okay.  I'm not a lawyer.  I have a healthy respect for them.  But I'm scared to death to talk with a lawyer about what my wife wants to talk to them about. 

Background:  Both our parents have nice amount of assets.  Upon their death we will both get a nice nest egg.  It is inevitable.  Our parents (both) have talked about giving us the assets early, and since my wife's parents know about me, they are stressed about doing it.  So my wife has hinted many times about going to the lawyer (my father in laws) to do the work.

Basically, we have agreed that if her parents give her something, if we end up divorced, those assets will go to her.  And Visa Versa.  I don't have a problem with it, except for one exception, and that is our home is owned by her parents.  We have put our resources into it, so I feel I should get some cash out of it.  Not a substantial amount, but something.

She said last night we need to do this in two weeks, her dad has a new lawyer, and he needs to get this taken care of.  I am only going to tell her that she needs to set up the appointment.  I don't know the name of the lawyer, and am not going to ask her dad for the name.

Her parents have been very passive during this whole thing, and have always been wonderful to us.  And I understand their concern. 

I'm nervous about this one, I want to go into it with my eyes wide open, and in some respects, this is taking care of the financial part of a divorce, before a divorce ever happens. I just don't want to take this one up the ole ass with out protection. It is just going to be stressful, and I HATE stress.   I have a pit in my stomach just writing this.  I guess it is better face it now than latter, and then I can get rid of the pit.  I'm such a damn procrastinator because I don't like confrontation. 

Hmmmmm do you think that has anything to do with why I'm in the closet still.......


  1. Our situation is similar. My parents, anticipating my divorce several years ago, delayed transferring any assets to me lest they fall into my wife's hands.

    As part of our written (non-lawyer) agreement, my wife and I agreed to remove any inheritance, already received (hers) or future (mine) from any divorce money calculations. This will be put in a separate legal document and given to my parents, so they can put me back in their will without worry.

    I'd agree with you on the house... you have made some investment in it and that should be reflected in your settlement. This "division of assets" as been, for me, by far the most stressful part of my whole coming-out journey. Good luck!

  2. I'm not in the closet anymore and I feel just the way you do . . . after four years, my wife and I have yet to put anything on paper. It's just easier to keep our heads in the sand day after day after day. . .

  3. GMM --

    I am a lawyer, and although you are not in my jurisdiction, I am pretty sure that the law in my state is the same in yours.

    When a spouse inherits or receives a gift, that inheritance/gift is separate property. It is not part of the community estate. In other words, your wife and her family are seeking an agreement of what is already the law.

    The only time that the property may take on a community character is if the parties agree that it should become a community asset.

    If the house is in your in-laws names, you and your wife are renters. If you added a bedroom, or made some other improvement on the property, the community assets used for the improvement do not give you additional rights in the home. It belongs to your wife's parents.

    If the house was in your wife's name, it is still her separate property. However, if community assets were used on improvements, in a divorce you might be able to claim reimbursement -- a share of the community assets which were used to benefit separate property.

    By the way -- in many jurisdictions nuptial agreements require that each party have an attorney review and explain the agreement before execution. Otherwise, the agreement is void.

  4. Buddy, Mike and Robert:

    Thanks for your comments and advice. This will help me go into the meeting with an open mind and not completely in the dark. Thanks for your help.

  5. Robert, the lawyer already said what I understand it to be in most states, and what I was going to say. But I still wanted to say that is a really hot picture of the guy getting fucked. Love it.

  6. Hey there, just wanted to say hi, and thanks for the blog. It helps to know I'm not alone!

    1. Great Sean..... I try to keep it real and relevant. Peace

  7. There was consequence to formal division of assets for me. In January 2000, my wife wanted her own bank account, not joint. We had no credit debt. Within a year, I realized that she was starting to accumulate credit card bills so I closed all joint cards.

    By the year 2004, she had accumulated $27,000 in credit and then filed for divorce. I ended up paying for most of that.

    So my own suggestion would be to track liabilities as well as assets. If cheating starts there, separating assets has little effect. Ron