Thursday, November 10, 2011

Craving Contact

You know......  I have been trying to figure out this feeling.  I have been having it for weeks.  I want to say it is an obsession, but I'm starting to think it is more than that. 

I have been working in my basement alone for the last year.  I only have contact with people by e-mail and sometimes I get someone to talk with me on the phone about the services I sell.  I do get out to make a customer call every now and again, but that has been limited over the last month.  I think I need more people connection. 

Here is what I do, that is wierd.  I have five different e-mail addresses open. 
  1. One is my double secret e-mail, I give to people who I don't even want to know my first name.  It is on yahoo and has yahoo chat open.  Very rarely do I talk with anyone there, but I used to all the time when I was trying to hook up.   
  2. Another is my secret e-mail, It has gmail chat, and there is one guy I chat with once a week or so. He is a great guy that is divorced and gay.  We knew each other from my hook up days.  
  3. One is my personal e-mail with my wife,
  4. Two work e-mails. 
  5. Then there is Facebook.  I look at it about 4 to 5 times a day.  Reading about everyone else, very seldomly posting anything.
  6. Ohhh... and I almost forgot my Linkedin profile.  I don't have it open everyday, but I spend some time on there looking for people I know, and connecting.
  7. I also have my reader list on my gmail open all day.  When ever a new blog post is posted, I read it right away.  I continue to add new blogs I like to read.  Sometimes in the morning I can spend up to two hours reading stories or posts on them.  I know, I should be working.  I continue to check them all of this all the time. 
  8. I also have to check my stats on blogger.  I love it when I have my viewers.  I am disapointed when there are not enough.
  9. Then there is words with friends.  It may fall into another catagory, but I feel connected when I get a message that it is my turn.  Someone just thought of me.
I find that I am then very disapointed that I didn't get an e-mail.  I crave it. (Ohh there is a new Reader Notification. Be right back............................................  Dang it was just my local newspaper posting a new boring story.)  My stomach is feeling it... It is almost the feeling I get when I'm horny.   But that comes from a place a little lower than the stomach. 

So what needs filled?  Is it the connection with men? The connection with family?Am I ADHD? The connection with people in general?  Or is it I need more intamacy in my life?  Am I lonely?

I could just start more cold calling?  

I think I might start working more in the sunlight and upstairs where I can see outside and see the world. I live in a rural area, so I will see nature, not people.  I need to focus this nerveous energy on work. 


  1. When I was a Scout Master, one of my favorite sayings was "If you have to ask the question, 'should I wear my uniform?', the answer is always YES".

    I know, that seems irrelevant to your posting but as I was reading your questions at the bottom of your blog, that Scouter phrase kept popping up in my head. Sounds like yes is the answer to all those questions (except maybe the ADHD one . . . I wouldn't know about that one).

    I also live in a rural area (although I work in the City 30 minutes away so I get a good dose of people each day) but my Ex struggled with being home alone without real people contact in her work too.

    Sounds like you need to get out more (and you really need a BF). All the best!

    PS: Facebook or Twitter me . . . LOL!

  2. Mike,

    Sad thing is I wanted to find a way to facebook you and twitter you. But then realized it was a joke. Damn, I'm sick.

    Thanks Mike.

  3. Hahaha. The really sad reality for me is that I know exactly the depth of your electronic addiction. I have so many email accounts I can't even remember them all. AND, I have an iPhone (which I love) for the express purpose of being able to check my Facebook, Twitter, blog and email accounts frequently during the day.

  4. Not just you guys. Me too. (I guess that's why I am here. LOL!!!) Not Alone -- mid-life crisis for me has come in series. Like you, I will know something is wrong, but my head will not spell it out for me.

    Good luck on making changes. If any work, let me know. I probably will try them in my own life. ;-)