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I love my wife, and actually sex is pretty good with her, but we have not been intimate very much lately. I decided to initiate the other night and well, it was bad. It is really not her fault. She is of the age where sex is painful for her post menopausal self. We have talked about it a little, and I know she has tried some things from the doctor, but I try to be aware of it. Some of the prescriptions she could get were not worth the money, because you have to do everyday, to have sex once a month.I of course take some Viagra to make sure I can keep it up during the process of making sure it is comfortable for her. That part is not very sexy. She was pretty excited while I was digitally stimulating her, but she always wants me to stop before she orgasms. This time I couldn't get much in before I could tell by the look in her face that it was uncomfortable. I just couldn't do it when I knew it was painful. She may have let me, but I can't.
Maybe we will talk about it when it is right. Shit she doesn't even know I take Viagra. I don't tell her, because I'm sure she would count it. Want to know when I use it.
Life as a gay may married to a women. Just one more challenge.
Hello. I ran across one of your posts and just finished binge-reading your blog. I don't usually read personal blogs but there was something so heart wrenching about yours. First, please accept my apology beforehand for presuming to know enough about you and your situation to offer ANY unsolicited advice however...
ReplyDeleteplease, please, please 'rip off the Band-Aid' and be completely honest with your wife. Your split is inevitable. I am sad for you both but being female, I see things more from her perspective. It will be painful but if she finds out the extent to which you have been involved with men from someone else, she will be destroyed.
I think you love her but (wait for it) you are not in love with her.
You married her to dispel rumors and to 'cure' you.
You never committed yourself to her since you have been having male interactions almost since Day 1 of the marriage.
You have never 'let her in' and only allow 'the elephant' to be discussed so far in therapy.
You have resigned yourself to this marriage and think it will weather the random hookups because they don't allow much intimacy. My concern is when you meet THE ONE. Have you considered that? He could be anyone; a client, a new church member, your daughter's in law... You mentioned that you wished most would realize that homosexual attraction is chemical. When he comes along, chemical will win, regardless of any promises and plans to stay that you have made.
Your wife basically put past relationships aside and committed herself to you and your family. She hasn't dated in years. Starting over for most is difficult but even more challenging for a middle-aged female. Compound that with being blindsided by your news and abruptly having to start over amid the stares, looks and not on her terms.
You are 50+ yrs old and cannot continue to allow the opinions of others to be more important than your own. They can't live their lives and yours.
Incidentally, I think your family has always known that you are gay, especially those you were experimenting with, due to their comments about not thinking you would marry, you never having a girlfriend and being the mom when playing house.
I also think some of them are closeted. As cliche as it sounds 'tomorrow is not promised'. You both still have the chance to have happy lives
Please consider the advice of 'Buddy Bear' and 'TwoLives'. They seem genuine and concerned. I don't think they are trying to harm you but are trying to make you wake up before it is too late and two lives and over 20 years of friendship are irreparably damaged.
Come clean to your wife and daughter. They are the only ones who matter. Allow them to grieve and then tell everyone else, or not.
--Adrian