Thursday, October 6, 2011

Sexual Balance

Well.  Wow. The last week has been very strange, and I think things are becoming clearer.  You see, I've kinda felt like I was in a fog over the last week.  I would walk around feeling numb.  Like I wasn't even present. 

I think connecting with others through choir, work and getting out of the house has helped.  I work at home in my basement alone all day.  I see my wife off and on, but for the most part I'm alone. I make phone calls to business people trying to build a relationship and get them to buy what my company is selling.  It gets rather lonely. 

Writing a blog has helped, but keeping track of all the other blogs has taken way too much of my time.  I had to limit the number of blogs I read daily. Basically, I got rid of all of the Blogs that were just about porn.  I know where to go find them if I "need" them. And besides when I start my day looking at those pics, it just makes me horny all day, and I can't focus. There are reasons I can't just get off first thing in the morning that I can't divulge. 

Another thing that has helped is my wife has been in a good mood the last couple days.  I am thinking alot about life, and how you must live your life to the fullest.  Why does that have to be "out".  Yes I know I love sex with men, and would probably fall in love with a man if I would let myself.  But if I was straight, and in the marriage I was in, I would probably have to realize the same thing.  I would love sex with lots of women, not just my wife, and I would probably fall in love with a woman if I would let myself.

Balance...........   Balance my marriage and family life with my sexuality. 


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