Friday, October 28, 2011

Scared in the closet

Recently I was volunteering for an organization in my town.  We have an event that we dress up and "scare" people.  Have a haunted "house."  The event requires the people participating to stay sitting as we walk around and interact with the people in costume for about an hour.  They are usually not in costume.

Well the other night there were about 4 gay couples on this "ride".  They had all came together and were dressed pretty nice.  (Several in white. I didn't get that.  It was a haunted ride and they were in white?)  They were displaying affection, in a very nice way.  I think that was fine, didn't bother anyone around me that I could see, or hear.  After all there were many hetro people on the ride that did the same thing.  I thought that was great and refreshing even. 

I think what became unnerving for some was that their conversations had to be about sex, and cocks. I was standing staring them down, because that is what my character did.... and they were hot. One of the  guy's who I would say was very fem, and was probably the mouthiest, said something about the last cock he had and that it was big and not cut. His partner put his legs up in the air, exposing his ass, implying that I should give it to him. I think it got worse later on in the evening, but I had moved on. I know they had been drinking and were a little loose with the lips, but most of it was uncalled for. There were children on the ride as well, not sitting too close, but they were on the ride.

I actually didn't mind it, (You know I wanted to join in, but we were in a public place, and I knew all of the people volunteering.) but the fact that this is how most people perceive gay men is what keeps many of us scared Midwesterners in the closet.  If I am out, I don't want to be one of the obnoxious loud gay guys. I want to live my life as I did before, why does it have to be so obvious that I'm gay.  I want to sit on the ride, and if I don't hold the hand of the partner I'm with know one would really know.  It is not because I'm ashamed, it would be because I'm not all about public display of affection.  Especially when there are kids around.

So Yep I'm scared in the closet. 

Thanks to Ray's Cowboys for the pics.


  1. Interesting discussion about public discussions and public displays of affection. Reminds me of some of the issues that have come up with me and my partner. Richard does not approve of public affection -- even very casual displays of it. I, on the other hand, had boyfriends with whom I was very physical even out in public (when I was in my early 20s). It depended upon the situation, of course, but I have no problem holding hands and giving a smooch.

    Risque discussion depends upon the situation. I can be positively filthy in my discussions around my law firm. I am with adults. We know each other. I can make tawdry comments and expect a retort from those around me. I would not make the same comments with acquaintances or when children are around.

    There have been occasions when Richard has become buzzed that his mouth has run off while kids are present. I have had to reign him in on a couple of occasions.

  2. Oh, and I also wish I was Mr. Pumpkin! ;-)

  3. I'm with you about the pumpkin. I can get as crude as the other guy when in the appropriate situation. I'm not a prude, but they came from the city to a small town, with families around them. I would have thought the samething about Hetro couples acting like they did. My point is unfortunately, gay men have the reputation of being crude.

  4. I do not know too much about small towns. I visit, but do not live there. I suspect that many people who live in them have had some positive (or at least neutral) interaction with gay people. It seems that even small towns are getting more GLBT people in them.

    A young 20-something acquaintance is living in a very remote area of West Virginia, but even he has found a boyfriend and gay friends in the same community. Things are different than when we were in our 20s. Not everyone is going to bars anymore. Not everyone is flocking to the cities. A lot more people are content to piss off the rednecks in the middle of Hicksville and become their neighbors.

  5. I agree. Don't care if you're gay or str8. It's about class and understanding what is appropriate in a given social situation. Unfortunately, some gays have always behaved this way and then cried homophobia when people object. It has nothing to do with homophobia and everything to do with understanding time and place. You can't force anyone to accept you but you can make people dislike you very, very much.

  6. Not Alone & Anonymous 9:46 - I am in complete agreement with you!