Friday, December 3, 2010

What will the kids think?

I think of this problem often. I think that was the thing my wife was mad about the most when she found out.  She understood to a point the getting married, but her question was, "Why have kid?.  Why bring kids into this?"  At the time, all I could say was, "I don't know." But once I thought about it, my answer was, once I was married everything was OK.  I was curred. Our marriage and everything that goes with that was good. So why not kids?

I do think after kids a marriage changes. For me it really changed in "that" department. It left me needing something more. Thinking about my needs.  I was a selfish man. Come on. Not that I wasn't fooling myself.  I was gay, before and after.  But I was trying to be straight, and I was cured, you know.

So back to the question, "What will the kids think?"  Well in my case they may never know. But I listen for homophobic comments all the time. I don't really get any. But want to know what they think of gay people. I think for teenagers it is different today.  They know openly gay kids, openly gay adults, and see gay people on TV all the time. To them it is almost normal.  What isn't normal is that their dad is gay. This, I think, is a harder thing to understand for them. But hell, getting divorced and having affairs is common place, and they usually handle that pretty well.

I just worry alot about what would happen if they found out.

I know children grow up in gay households and turn out perfectly fine. So is it different, when they have been told a lie by and about the person they have loved for ever.  I'm not a psychologist, but I'm sure they have trust issues with men, among other issues with those they love.

Will they be embarrassed?  I know one guy who is out to his family and his teenage daughter kinda thinks it is cool.  But I know a grown woman with a dad who is gay and she and her husband make fun of him and his "boys."  So I think it depends on the child and what the culture or society around them thinks. 

I don't know that there is an easy answer, but I know I have a therapist on standby if something should happen. I biggest goal is to make sure she is happy over the happiness of me.

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