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I spent some time with my family recently. I love them dearly, but because they don't know that I'm gay, they sometimes say the dumbest things. It leaves me in a weird position, and a weird mood for a long time. This time we were out and about. The women wanted to go to Michaels. You know the craft store. My dad flicked his wrist and said "Michaels" in a weird kinda higher pitched lispy voice. I kinda just stood there, and my brother did the same thing.
I said to them, "What do you mean?" They said, "Ddoesn't that name just kinda make you think sissy?" Or something similar. Of course I'm not out to them, so I say nothing, and don't try tell them they sounded real hickish. Thank God my wife didn't hear this conversation. Of course I didn't tell her about it either.
I then have to make a decision. I wanted to go to Michaels with my wife and women in the family. Should I go? Will they wonder? Will I hear anything?
Well I went. I like the store, and I don't find it "gay" at all.
I hear these negative things about gay people from them. I don't think they care about where are to whom they say it. Is that what is shaping my thoughts about coming out someday? Does it mean they will not accept me?
Like I said in my previous post. I have so many questions and am thinking about so many things right now. I'm a little scatter brained.
Ultimately, you own how you feel. Sure, it does hurt when someone says something negative about you. But, they don't even know they are offending you because you haven't been honest with them.
ReplyDeleteWould you have corrected a family member using a term that was offensive racially, religiously or otherwise? Hopefully you would. I have with my family members because it is the right thing to do and I want my family to be respectful of others.
If you were not gay, would you have hesitated to say something to your father and let him know that it could be hurtful or offensive to some people?
Ultimately you have to confront your own fear. Your family will accept you if they really love you.
Hell, I was at an alumni group football watch party. My team comes out of the tunnel in new uniforms and comments start going around the table that the new uniforms look "gay". The people in the group had no clue about my sexuality because I don't discuss it unless there is a reason.
Well as the "gay" term was being tossed about, I smile and said "well, I'm gay". A few stammered and looked puzzled. The lovely lady next to me leaned over and asked me if I was pulling their legs. I said no, I am gay. I told them I was not offended(I wasn't, because I knew they meant no harm), but that some words can unknowingly hurt others or make them feel not welcome. Everyone should do their best to be mindful of the language they use. I received some apologies, but reassured them that no harm had been done and the rest of the evening was great.
I hope you have the courage to face your fear at some point. Good luck.
You know I wasn't so much offended. It just brought up the whole gay issue that I try so hard not to think about when I'm around my family. It then continues to make me uneasy for the rest of the day. It makes me loose some of the happiness I feel when I'm around my family. That's it. I don't know when or if I will face the fear, and come out to everyone in my life. I'm not as courageous at the moment.
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