Secret Friends.....

I often think about the people I meet online, and otherwise that I become friends with.  Most of the time these friendships are short lived, or I have limited interactions with them.

One in particular, I e-mail about twice every year, just to check in.  He is about 10 years older than me, but we met in a chat room looking for phone sex in about 1998.   He lived in New Jersey, but worked in New York City.  I have no clue which website we met on, but we spoke on the phone and got off together many times back then.  It was pretty exciting.  I remember when the terrorist attacks on 9-11 happened.  He was the first person I thought of.  I couldn't call him at work until the next day or so.  He wasn't that close to the bombings, but it effected him.

We talked through the coming out to our wives, and how life is going.  I have never met the guy.  I would love to do that, not that much to have sex, but just to talk.

I have another friend that I have not talked to in over a year.  He lives in a town close to me, and we used to talk daily.  We first met to have sex, but ended up in the end we just talked about who we did or couldn't do etc...  I think we met in 2003 or so.  Once I came out to my wife I stopped talking to him, because my wife was suspicious of me.  It was easier.  I miss our conversations.  He has since divorced, and came out.  Last I knew he was living with a guy and was quite happy.  We are not more like old friends, although there was a time I would have considered him like a brother.

I often wonder if I was on my own, and out to everyone, how these friendships would blossom, or change.  Would I expect more out of them?  Would the continue?  I think they would.

Now I think those friendships are happening on this blog.  The people who read mine, and those that I read.   The conversation is a bit more public, but it still meets that need.

But it is interesting how the "life in secret" works.

Stuck- Not allowed to complain, or get upset.

Hey all,  I may have written about this before, but more and more, I find that I'm stuck. I many times want to ask my wife to do something different, or get mad because of the way she says something.  She often will say, "Well that is a stupid question.  You should have known that." 

Last night was an example.  She gave me grief about a task I asked her about, and I got upset at her, for being mean and disrespectful in her reply.  I didn't just shut my mouth, as I usually do, but continued to tell her I didn't like it when she made me feel stupid.  Her reply is, "I don't like lots of things about you and I have to just live with them.  So I don't care." 

So now I'm back to this wimpy kid, that is hiding something, and I have to relys on her to keep my secret.  I can't express what I feel, because she always has that "One Secret"...  the Ace that trumps everything. 

I don't want out really.  I love where I live, who I live with, everything just the way it is.  Ohhh yeah, except that I want to have emotional feelings and a connection with a man.... ohhh yeah, I forgot about that one....  I always think,  "I've suppressed it this long, and am able to cure it from time to time with a one night thing.  Why can't I just continue?"

I'm Stuck --------

Awkward!!!!!!!!!!!

A little story.....

My wife and I went to an event recently with a friend of ours.  I was sitting next to the friend, and my wife was on the other side of me.  My friend started to talk about an acquaintance we both had in common.  Several years earlier he had left his wife for a man, and came out of the closet. My friend said, "That is so weird.  I feel so sorry for the wife." My female friend, didn't have a clue, and I don't know if she said it loud enough for my wife to hear, but I just said, yeah, and changed the subject quickly.

My wife and I never talked about it, I hope she didn't hear it.