Friday, April 1, 2016

Secret Friends.....

I often think about the people I meet online, and otherwise that I become friends with.  Most of the time these friendships are short lived, or I have limited interactions with them.

One in particular, I e-mail about twice every year, just to check in.  He is about 10 years older than me, but we met in a chat room looking for phone sex in about 1998.   He lived in New Jersey, but worked in New York City.  I have no clue which website we met on, but we spoke on the phone and got off together many times back then.  It was pretty exciting.  I remember when the terrorist attacks on 9-11 happened.  He was the first person I thought of.  I couldn't call him at work until the next day or so.  He wasn't that close to the bombings, but it effected him.

We talked through the coming out to our wives, and how life is going.  I have never met the guy.  I would love to do that, not that much to have sex, but just to talk.

I have another friend that I have not talked to in over a year.  He lives in a town close to me, and we used to talk daily.  We first met to have sex, but ended up in the end we just talked about who we did or couldn't do etc...  I think we met in 2003 or so.  Once I came out to my wife I stopped talking to him, because my wife was suspicious of me.  It was easier.  I miss our conversations.  He has since divorced, and came out.  Last I knew he was living with a guy and was quite happy.  We are not more like old friends, although there was a time I would have considered him like a brother.

I often wonder if I was on my own, and out to everyone, how these friendships would blossom, or change.  Would I expect more out of them?  Would the continue?  I think they would.

Now I think those friendships are happening on this blog.  The people who read mine, and those that I read.   The conversation is a bit more public, but it still meets that need.

But it is interesting how the "life in secret" works.


  1. I kinda wonder about that too! But then I also realize that the situation I'm in now is what makes me feel a certain bond with some people. Remove that large chunk of my life experience and I don't know if I'd have met some of these folks I'm fond of, much less develop a similar bond.

  2. Totally out and alone...I too wonder how relationships might be different - how ***I*** might be different. But, I think all relationships, no matter how or where or when they come to happen, are destined for a certain period of time. We learn, we grow, and sometimes relationships grow with us, sometimes they don't.
    I am still friends with my first male partner; he and my wife get along perfectly well. I think that is because I was totally honest with her when she asked me: "If he wasn't such a commitment-phobe, you would probably still be with him, wouldn't you?" "Yep." Which also meant, I wouldn't have gotten involved with her and we wouldn't be married. And, it's 30 years now.
    Others have come and gone - many of the (married) guys in the Jack Off Group became friends but over time we've all drifted apart and moved on. I still think about them once in a while; my wife will ask once in a great while if I've heard from any of them. I'm sure it's the same for them.

  3. I'm thankful that you have this blog. It's good to keep up with what's going on with your life. Too often we just let friendships wither.....

    1. Thanks Carl.... I'm glad as well.