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It is a very accepting church, but still based in the gospel. I love our pastor and parishioners at the church. They fill me up each week.
I have been thinking more and more about living life as a gay man. Not like most people would, but as I and others I know do. I'm gay. I live the heterosexual life style. Why can that not work? Why do I need to come OUT? I know there are many posting about how I am not happy, but that is when I push myself to be someone I'm not, and go to a place I do not want. I don't want to live out. It scares the hell out of me, and when I think about everyone in my life knowing, it scares me worse. I want to be who I am right now.
Gay people can be judgmental too. I'm married to a woman. Live with it. I was born this way.
I lived quite happily as a gay man married to a woman for many years. Like you, I was out to my wife, also for many years. And for our last eight years together I happily had no intimate contact with men. Because my experience was a positive one (until she fell in love with someone else), I see your choice as being perfectly acceptable.
ReplyDeleteHaving "been there and done that", I'll offer two pieces of advice. First, for both of your sakes, it's important that you be able to express true self. Total repression will make you very unhappy and your unhappiness will damage your marriage and your family. This blog can be a great way to express yourself. Likewise, having gay friends (even if you're not out to them), reading gay-themed books, watching gay movies, watching gay porn, etc, etc. Your private time belongs to you. Feel free to gay it up as much as you like.
Secondly (and this is something I learned the hard way), gay men can have sex with women and enjoy it, HOWEVER, by our inherent nature we don't possess the lust for women that straight men do. It was too easy for me to be complacent about a mediocre love life and to be annoyed that my wife was often needy. As a gay man, you will have to work three or four times as hard to keep your wife as fulfilled as a straight man does. It can be exhausting work - and yes, it is work. It requires focused concentration and effort.
Basically you have to walk a tightrope where you indulge her as much as you can but you also spend adequate time on yourself. If you do that then you can definitely live a happy life and never come out.
I agree on your first point. I just have to be careful so that it doesn't get in the way of point number two. If I play it up too much in my "alone" time, I can't be ready to fulfill in the second part. And it is a lot of work. The answer that made my wife happy was when I said, "I enjoy being intimate with you." Thanks for your reply
DeleteBut, if you intend to be fair to your wife, you can't keep fucking men without informing her of that little fact. If you do otherwise your pretense at Christianity is a lie
ReplyDeleteYou know, you are so right. I am working on that part of my life.
DeleteBeing imperfect doesn't make me less of a Christian. It just makes me a bigger sinner, and means I have have to work at being a better person, and a better husband.
DeleteI understand but contrition and honesty is necessary. It's understandable if u slip up. But if your wife is unaware u put her at great risk. I assume u don't use protection with ur wife, no?
ReplyDeleteNot Alone: I'm Christian too and I'm appalled at the judgmentalism of the previous "Anonymous" commenter. To suggest that you engage in "pretense at Christianity" is immature trash talk that seems intended to wound. I'm sorry for others who need to attack. You responded with grace. Your story is one I relate to, friend. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI listen to all points of view. I don't necessarily agree with them, but allow people their voice, as long as it is not threatening.
DeleteThanks for reading.