Tuesday, February 7, 2012

First HIV test shows.............

Hey Readers.  I have been pretty much in a funk since my bad decision several weeks ago.  I have these gut feeling that just make me want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep.  Sometimes when I think about how stupid I am, I get completely flush, and get really hot all over my body, like a hot flash.  I have also had some times I am just able to forget about it all, and I'm even sober.

Well I went and had my first of several tests I will have in the next couple months.  I will need to have them to keep my sanity over the next 90 days.  This has been just under two weeks since I was stupid, and I will do it at 6 weeks, and then at least after 90 days.  The place I went is a great resource for gay men whether you are married or not. If you want to know more about their free testing send me comment, and I will e-mail you the info. I don't want to do it in a public forum, because it will narrow down my location quite a bit.

The test showed Negative if you were wondering.  It doesn't mean much except a little piece of mind.  The guy that tested me said they do about 10 a week, and as an average one of those 10 show up positive.  Wow, can you imagine that blow.  I can.  I have been living it.  I have lived it before, when I was stupid alot. It was years ago, and I played safe, but often.

Thanks for your thoughts.  I have had a supportive e-mail from a blog buddy, and the advice on my responses. I do appreciate it.  I think sometimes when you live mostly through phone encounters and porn encounters, that your judgment gets altered when it is person.  It doesn't sink in that these encounters are fantasy and not real, and they get jumbled up.

Thanks again.


  1. My intent is not to beat up on you. But you need to remember how bad this feels and use it to remind yourself not to do it again. You are an adult and as such can make your own decisions about your health and the risk you're willing to assume. The decision is yours alone. But you can't make that choice for your partner. I understand this is hard....believe me I do. If you can't be monogamous at least be safe.

  2. Glad to hear it is negative! Fingers crossed here on out!