Wrong Time to Ask

This is the one I am afraid to post.  Thanks everyone for the encouragement.  I work on myself....  

I was out of town, and I haven't been for months.  I really thought I needed a man's touch.  I needed to feel safe in the arms of a man.  A thought I could resist, but I didn't, didn't want to, or couldn't.

I posted on craigslist.

I had a lot of responses, of course I ignored most, and found the ones that seemed sincere.  I also passed over the ones that were overly "hot". You know they would never want a guy like me.  I'm not ugly, only a little over weight, but they are not coming to my hotel room in the end. 

So I found a nice black man.  We set up a time, and it was a wonderful time.

I rested the next night, but e-mailed him back and asked if he was free that night.  He was and was eager to come back.  Unfortunately, others I was with made me get back too late, and he was too tired to come over.  I understand, It was 10:30, and he was tucked in bed.  I had warned him that it might be late, and I don't care.

I thought at that time, this would be a good time to just relax, go to bed.  I don't need to find anyone.  The other night was great, I should play it safe.

Well, my second head got the best of me, and I posted again.  I settled on a Hispanic man.  He was eager and I had him come over.  We talked about condoms, and I told him I had some, and he came over. Here is how that transpired.

On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 9:47 PM, He  wrote:

Hi

38  latio 6' 180lbs

still looking?

I Wrote
Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2012 9:54 PM
Subject: Re: married

Yeah...  nice pics..

 On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 10:02 PM,  He wrote:

SO?

I Wrote

Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2012 10:08 PM
Subject: Re: married

i need to jump in the shower.  How long for you to get to XXXXXXXXXXXXXX  Hotel

On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 10:10 PM, He wrote:

15 MINS

U HAVE CONDOM IF IT GOES THERE?

 On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 10:10 PM, I wrote:

yes I do....

I Wrote

Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2012 10:11 PM
Subject: Re: married

can you text if you get to parking lot?

On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 10:12 PM, He wrote:

yes, to what number?

On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 10:14 PM, I wrote:

(xxx) ZZZ-ZZZZ... I'm going to jump in show and clean up... text me when you are here, and I will give you my room number.

 He said probably five whole words.  "Hi" and later on, "Can I fuck your ass."  

I gave him the condom, but he could not keep it up.  I let him enter for a period with out to keep it up.  But not for long, and he didn't cum there.  Now I said "let him".  because I have the control, but sometimes in the heat of the moment control is not my strong point.  Well I didn't worry about it too much. He left and life went on.

This week. I thought about the encounter, and thought maybe I should send him an e-mail and ask about his status.  It would make me feel better.  He didn't say in the e-mail and I didn't ask.

so here is the e-mail log yesterday.

I Sent

Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 5:20 PM
Subject: Re: married

Hey guy.... Had a good time the other night.  So i can rest easier.  Are you HIV Neg and tested?

Thanks...

On Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 5:39 PM, He wrote:

no I am not!

I now thought FUCK.   But again thought he may use English as a second language,  so I wanted to make sure what he was saying.  So I asked I wrote Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 5:40 PM Subject: Re: married What does that mean? are you positive? or are you just not tested? On Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 5:41 PM, He wrote: both NOW I thought I'm more confused, but a little more scared.   My body turned beet red, and I was hot as could be. I WAS OUT OF MY MIND> From ME Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 5:43 PM Subject: Re: married So... You ARE HIV POSITIVE.. and have been Tested HIV POSITIVE On Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 5:44 PM, He wrote: no, u? I wrote Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 5:47 PM Subject: Re: married Good.  You had me worried for a while.  No I do not have HIV.   I haven't been tested for a while, but have not had many sex partners.   Thanks.. I am only playing safe from now on.  That makes me nervous. On Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 5:49 PM, He wrote: I was just fucking with you, wrong question to ask after the fact I wrote

I know it is..... I'm glad you didn't make me play along for too long.....   Learned my lesson.

Okay. His response started at 5:39 and ended at 5:49 when he said he was fucking with me.  Those were probably the longest 10 minutes I have had in my life.  The thoughts of divorce, of dying, of coming out, what my family would think, what my work would think.  I was just in bad shape...........

I did learn a lesson.  Follow the correct head.  Know what you are doing.  Stick to your guns.

I know I will get the you are stupid, you are putting your wife at risk, you.... you... you... you.. you......

I AM a sinful human, who can't find a way to resist.  Please forgive me.

I now know the right time to ask.