Thursday, February 2, 2012

Wrong Time to Ask

This is the one I am afraid to post.  Thanks everyone for the encouragement.  I work on myself....  

I was out of town, and I haven't been for months.  I really thought I needed a man's touch.  I needed to feel safe in the arms of a man.  A thought I could resist, but I didn't, didn't want to, or couldn't.

I posted on craigslist.

I had a lot of responses, of course I ignored most, and found the ones that seemed sincere.  I also passed over the ones that were overly "hot". You know they would never want a guy like me.  I'm not ugly, only a little over weight, but they are not coming to my hotel room in the end. 

So I found a nice black man.  We set up a time, and it was a wonderful time.

I rested the next night, but e-mailed him back and asked if he was free that night.  He was and was eager to come back.  Unfortunately, others I was with made me get back too late, and he was too tired to come over.  I understand, It was 10:30, and he was tucked in bed.  I had warned him that it might be late, and I don't care.

I thought at that time, this would be a good time to just relax, go to bed.  I don't need to find anyone.  The other night was great, I should play it safe.

Well, my second head got the best of me, and I posted again.  I settled on a Hispanic man.  He was eager and I had him come over.  We talked about condoms, and I told him I had some, and he came over. Here is how that transpired.


On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 9:47 PM, He 
 wrote:

Hi

38  latio 6' 180lbs
still looking?

I Wrote
Sent:
 Thursday, January 26, 2012 9:54 PM
Subject: Re: married
Yeah...  nice pics..

 On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 10:02 PM,  He wrote:
SO?



I Wrote
Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2012 10:08 PM
Subject: Re: married

i need to jump in the shower.  How long for you to get to XXXXXXXXXXXXXX  Hotel


On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 10:10 PM, He wrote:
15 MINS
U HAVE CONDOM IF IT GOES THERE?

 On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 10:10 PM, I wrote:
yes I do....

I Wrote
Sent: Thursday, January 26, 2012 10:11 PM
Subject: Re: married

can you text if you get to parking lot?

On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 10:12 PM, He wrote:
yes, to what number?

On Thu, Jan 26, 2012 at 10:14 PM, I wrote:
(xxx) ZZZ-ZZZZ... I'm going to jump in show and clean up... text me when you are here, and I will give you my room number.

 He said probably five whole words.  "Hi" and later on, "Can I fuck your ass."  

I gave him the condom, but he could not keep it up.  I let him enter for a period with out to keep it up.  But not for long, and he didn't cum there.  Now I said "let him".  because I have the control, but sometimes in the heat of the moment control is not my strong point.  Well I didn't worry about it too much. He left and life went on.

This week. I thought about the encounter, and thought maybe I should send him an e-mail and ask about his status.  It would make me feel better.  He didn't say in the e-mail and I didn't ask.

so here is the e-mail log yesterday.


I Sent
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 5:20 PM
Subject: Re: married

Hey guy.... Had a good time the other night.  So i can rest easier.  Are you HIV Neg and tested?

Thanks...

On Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 5:39 PM, He wrote:
no I am not!
I now thought FUCK.   But again thought he may use English as a second language,
 so I wanted to make sure what he was saying.  So I asked


I wrote
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 5:40 PM
Subject: Re: married



What does that mean? are you positive? or are you just not tested?


On Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 5:41 PM, He wrote:
both

NOW I thought I'm more confused, but a little more scared.  
My body turned beet red, and I was hot as could be.
I WAS OUT OF MY MIND>


From ME
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 5:43 PM
Subject: Re: married


So...

You ARE HIV POSITIVE..

and have been Tested HIV POSITIVE




On Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 5:44 PM, He wrote:
no, u?


I wrote
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 5:47 PM
Subject: Re: married


Good.  You had me worried for a while.  No I do not have HIV.   I haven't been tested for a while, but have not had many sex partners.  

Thanks.. I am only playing safe from now on.  That makes me nervous.


On Mon, Jan 30, 2012 at 5:49 PM, He wrote:
I was just fucking with you, wrong question to ask after the fact

I wrote




I know it is..... I'm glad you didn't make me play along for too long.....   Learned my lesson.

Okay. His response started at 5:39 and ended at 5:49 when he said he was fucking with me.  Those were probably the longest 10 minutes I have had in my life.  The thoughts of divorce, of dying, of coming out, what my family would think, what my work would think.  I was just in bad shape...........

I did learn a lesson.  Follow the correct head.  Know what you are doing.  Stick to your guns.

I know I will get the you are stupid, you are putting your wife at risk, you.... you... you... you.. you......

I AM a sinful human, who can't find a way to resist.  Please forgive me.

I now know the right time to ask.

6 comments:

  1. Look dude, u still have absolutely no guarentee he's being truthful. For fuck's sake, he was prepared to bareback...I'd say he's into risky behavior, no? Did he ask YOUR status? U need to get tested again

    Sorry if u think expecting you not to murder ur wife is being judgemental, but, dude, she's the fucking mother of your kid...at least don't sleep with her until you know. Your fear doesn't trump her safety

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let the onslaught begin! All things I know, and worry about daily.

      Delete
    2. But thanks for your thoughts.

      Delete
  2. Get tested - everybody can lie.....Good luck

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cannot add any more to what's been said. When the Mrs. sleeps with you, she potentially sleeps with everyone you've slept with. But, you know that already. If you cannot be monogamous, at least be safe.

    ReplyDelete