Why --------- Revisiting one of my first Posts

I was revisiting some of my posts because I was replying to a support group post.  I need to find the time to go back and re-read these myself.  I think they show my road.......... I hope I have grown some.

WHY

Gay and Perfection

Body perfection in the gay community is a big issue.  Gay men are looking for that perfect gay body. Well, I hooked up with a gay man last week with a man who's body is not perfect.  He had a beautiful picture, but when we talked on the phone, I found out that he was in a wheel chair.  He had a spinal cord injury and had no feeling from his knees down.

I agreed to meet him, but was nervous about what would come of it. I enjoyed my time with him, but I found that he was very needy.  I don't know if that was because of his abilities, or if that was just who he was.  There were some awkward moments as well.  I didn't spend a lot of time talking with him, but would have liked to.  I wonder how being in a wheel chair limits the men he is with, and if the gay community wants more of a perfect body.  

I hate to compare it to being too fat or other body imperfections, but I wonder if it limits the number of men who are interested.   

Just a discussion....

Here is Colby Keller's interview with a gay guy with CP.  Very interesting to listen to.

The snow is piling up outside............. Am I a sex addict?

I know...  Two titles in one, but My mind goes from normal to things most would not consider normal in a heartbeat.

First comment.  I'm in the Midwest, and today we have gotten over 8 inches of snow. (Yes I said 8 inches.  And not the internet gay profile 8 inches. The real 8 inches.)  I hope we can keep up with it, as it continues to come down.  Life on the farm is not easy when you have to push snow out of the way.

Next I wonder... Am I a Pornoholic and sex addict.

Here is the thing.  I don't think I really could go very long with out porn.  I get bored, or stressed, and I turn to porn.  I'm alone, I turn to porn.  That in turn moves to thinking about hooking up and looking on adam4adam. Which usually has me looking for the next hookup in the next town I'm going to.

I will tell you that I have not hooked up much in the last three years.  Maybe once every 6 months or so.  But now I am craving it more, and I know that porn fuels it.  Why don't I just have sex with my wife.   I could, but I enjoy the porn JO almost as much.  I have done it for 35 years, and love it.  

I did sign up for Tony Lister's Porn Addiction process, but I'm not ready to watch one hour a week, and I'm not ready to commit to the "I have a problem".  I don't know when that will be, but I'm not ready for it.

PS... I should be working, but I'm not watching porn.  But I must confess that I did look at my adam4adam account to check on my e-mails for my trip next week.   ughhhhh....  

Thanks for listening to the ramble.