Why

It is Sunday morning.  It is quiet.  The wife's alarm woke me up early this morning so I couldn't get back to sleep.  I started thinking about my blog.  Maybe this is for me, but if someone reads it great! 

Why.  Why am I married, gay and in the Midwest. Well it is easy to know why I'm in the Midwest. My parents bred and raised me here, and I love it here.  But I think that is the biggest reason I am gay and married.....   I'm in the Midwest. I got married in the early 90's I was 29. I had strong feeling for men, but the only place you would find a man where I lived would be at the road stop.  I couldn't do that. Prior to meeting my wife, I would call chat lines, and spend way too much money. Remember this was before chat rooms on the Internet, before Craigslist, before those other ways to meet men anonymously.  Of course I grew up in a christian conservative family.  In a small town where the only out gay guys were "weird".  Gay was queer and homo and "limp wristed".  That was it. I was not and could not be that.

But when I was introduced to my wife, she was the one person that made me feel normal.

Normal.  I had feelings for something "normal."  I fell in love with her.  I fell in love with the people saying "I never thought you would get married."  I loved being and feeling normal.  I was CURED.  I thought of her and her only. I love her.  I did.... and still do.  She is my normal. Did I know I was Gay?  I had not admitted it to my self.  I thought I was just one of those weird guys.  Like the guy in my small home town that everyone called a queer. Now I was normal. All those feelings I had just got suppressed I guess. I didn't think of them anymore.  I was in love. The first time and the only time.

It was great. It WAS great.  Still isn't too bad, but it is very complicated.  That is what this blog is about the complicated gay and married in the Midwest.

Till next time.