Friday, March 30, 2012


When my wife gets really emotional, it all comes out, and I am always lost for words.  I don't know how to communicate and I shut down.

Well today, my wife comes into the house.  I was working in the kitchen and making some soup.  She is hot sweaty and I could tell she was upset.  She and her dad had gotten in a fight about things around the "farm."  I use the word "farm" because it is a hobby farm.  It was about money really... and that he was tired of spending money on her hobby.  That is really irrelevant to the point of the whole story, but it put her mood and other words into perspective.

She says that nothing in her life is in order, and that we are a scam.  I only said, "I think you are wrong, this is not a scam." I said, "I love you."  She says that sometimes she wants to get in the car and drive off and not come back.

I don't know how to help her.  I sometimes carry the blame for all that is bad in our family.  I caused her to question who we are.  I made her not secure in her future.  I just wish I knew how or could make it all better.  That is what men do. We fix it.  I think she was a little better before she left.  I will meet her early evening.  She will better, hopefully the evening will go better.

As I told you we are going away this weekend, and my daughter is leaving town for a fun church group outing.  So it should be fun.  We are also going to the PBR bull riding this weekend.  Can we say:

On another note, last night my daughter found out that someone is not taking her to prom.  She was so upset.  I hate to see my family hurting.  I hurt for her.  She is better today, but I know she is searching for acceptance, and friendship.  I want to make her feel better.

I think this all flows to why I'm in the closet.  I don't want to hurt anyone, and want everyone to feel good.


  1. I'm truly sorry to hear about your family's tough week.

    Here's something for you to think about, based on my own experience and substantial input from dozens of straight wives: anything less than full commitment slowly destroys a marriage.

    The reason your wife called your marriage a sham is because she does not feel that you are 100% committed to her. Telling her that you love her is not enough, she has to feel it, on a daily basis.

    The two of you can continue on the same path you're on for years but neither of you will be any happier. In fact, over time, you're both likely to be more and more unhappy until one of you decides you've had enough.

    If you'd like to be happier and to not look back with regret, I suggest that you either commit to her with all your heart and soul, or, have an honest conversation with her and give her an out. The longer you remain on the fence, the more angry and resentful she will get. The only way to find mutual happiness is to choose one side of the fence or the other. Compromised marriages do not work in the long-run.

    1. Thanks man. I know you are right. I just want to have a good weekend. I think we both need it.

      I need to read your last post in its entirety. It is long, and I have been real busy.

      Thanks for caring.

    2. You want everyone to feel good, but you are one member of a family and you should not have to shoulder that load alone -- others should also try to make you feel good sometimes. I just found your blog today, and I certainly don't know all the circumstances, but it seems to me you aren't responsible for all the blame as you put it.

    3. Thanks Will. I probably am being over dramatic about it. I am not responsible for all the blame, but my choices haven't always been the best. Sometimes I just have a hard tie distinguishing when I can voice my thoughts that it isnt all my fault.